Help! My fruit and veg work is starting to make me healthy! I almost hate myself for it.....I don't even want to admit to it but.... After work today I came home and planned to watch a movie. I wanted to have something to eat while watching (nothing strange there) so what did I grab? Popcorn?..no. Crisps? ..no. I picked up five clementines! What's wrong with me? I'm loving the new healthy me (I deliver potatoes by the ton, by hand. ie flab replaced by muscles) but there has to be a limit. Sod it. I'm ordering a pizza!
Have you ever been drawn into the "why" game by a child? Every statement you make is met with another "why?" from the child. If you try to be a smartarse and answer every "why" you always end up saying "Because it is! Alright?" This made me wonder, could centuries of scientific observation, experimentation and conceptualisation (if that's a word) bring us to the same conclusion. Physicists are always striving to find out why. We even believe we know where the questions end. The grand unified theory which will unite atomic and classic physics. It's believed by many that it'll eventually take the form of a suspiciously simple equation. Once we know this, how would we answer anyone who points at it and asks why? "Because it is! Alright?"
Mornin' folks. Sorry I've not been around for a while but work has been pretty tough. I've ofund that I tend to have a nice little portion of the day where I'm a little bored and could do with something to occupy myself. I'd completely forgotten about this blog and when I remembered it, I missed it! So, my peeps, I'm coming back!...sorry.
This morning I was driving down a country road in the middle of nowhere and saw a rather oddly placed sign which stated in large bold lettering "BEWARE OF TRAINS". Good advice...if a bit weird. I checked on a map and the nearest train line is over five miles from that spot. Pays to be careful though, doesn't it?
This morning I was driving down a country road in the middle of nowhere and saw a rather oddly placed sign which stated in large bold lettering "BEWARE OF TRAINS". Good advice...if a bit weird. I checked on a map and the nearest train line is over five miles from that spot. Pays to be careful though, doesn't it?
I'ts strange how quickly tiredness can confuse the mind. I just looked at the time and saw that it said 1945. I was halfway through organising a street party to celebrate the end of the war when I realised. I only wish I hadn't hired all those trestle tables...car boot sale, anyone?
You'd think that once I'd traded the noisy streets of Bradford for the supposed pleasures of sleepy Matlock life that I'd now be able to enjoy a relaxing and quiet sunny sunday reading the paper outside. But no. I've realised though that my neighbours seem to be linked in to some sort of underlying suburban collective mind. Without a word of a lie or exageration, at 10am precisely, they all left their houses and started up their power tools. My back yard sounds like a bleedin' workshop...oh...hang on... the time is now 11:12 and they've ALL fallen silent. That's a bit odd! Maybe there's a local "arrangement". I think I've stumbled upon something here. Now we all know and despise the type of person I'm talking about. The "escape to the country" class. With their artificially generated and practiced accents, designed to make them sound upper-middle-class. The fact that they eat all meals outdoors whenever it's not raining because - "Well we were holidaying in Prague (never Whitby is it?) and we met this delightful (ie nausiating) couple and they do nothing but eat fresh bread, cheese and wine on the veranda and talk to passers by about how civilised they are (as they get fat, crummy and drunk)". All the time local resident who've grown up in the area are vomiting wildly and reaching for the property pages. It's a shame Matlock council won't take the same initiative as has been implemented in the Lake District. Some kind of legislation which keeps these vile, faux socialites out of decent hard working communities. I'm trying my best not to sound like someone from Royston Vasey, (This is a local town for local people. There's nothing for you here!) but it's tough to see a town you grew up in which used to be friendly and pleasant with a genuine community feel dessimated by people moving from nearby cities bringing a city attitude with them. People who don't know their neighbours names and don't care either, it's easier to disturb and inconvenience those you don't know. Hang on again...20 minutes later and they've all started up again. I've come to the conclusion that these "people" are either invaders from another planet, come to irritate ordinary folk to suicide or they're part of a secret government initiative to control the minds of third rate desk jockeys and their families to create a misguided utopia in which all anyone ever does is speak properly and congratulate each other on their respective vile mock-cultured ways. Or maybe they're just a bunch of ar***oles!
Hi folks, just a quick note to apologise for not being around for a few days. The heat mixed with the hours I've had to work this week have turned me nocturnal and I'm aseep al aftrnoon. Anyway I'll be back tomorrow to recant my week of suicide sheep and potato bag joy!
I realised a few years ago that pretty much everything we do in everyday life is strange in some way. I like to view things from a different angle. Sometimes this means I'll play devil's advocate but I never discard anyone's point of view.
I also love beer and ladies!
