I'm starting a campaign on behalf of taxi drivers everywhere. All you need to do is buy a taxi driver a set of 4 normal light bulbs so they can put the orange ones back in their indicators.
I've spotted an inherent problem with cars and I'm going to dedicate some time to finding out the cause and hopefully putting it right. I've noticed that cars regularly seem to break down on double-yellow-lines outside takeaways. Maybe the smell of freshly baked or fried food causes the fuel/air mixture to break down in some way. Anyway I'll keep you all up to date on my progress.
Theres a great quote relating to science which might hold the key to understanding the arrogance of youth. "The key to true knowledge is knowing that you know nothing" I realised something about growing up the other day. When you're a teenager, you think you know it all and everyone else is wrong. When you go to university you realise you had it wrong when you were younger and now you know it all! Then once you've been in the real world for some time you grow up and realise that you still have a lot to learn! Slightly deep but let me know what you think.
The machines are conspiring against me again. This time it's the TV. It said "press red on your remote now for a whole host of exiting information at your fingertips". I pressed the red button on my remote and the telly turned off. Gits
In my work I visit a lot of people in their homes. Today a question occurred to me. Why would someone with a tiled porch floor and a laminate hallway have a cloth doormat outside the house and no doormats inside? Your practically demanding wet footprints! Mind you I was reminded of the fact that there's nothing funnier in the world than a hyperactive dog on a shiny surface. Advice for today... Do you have a tickle in your throat? Book the best seat in the theatre and enjoy a good cough!
They say that everyone has at least one book in them. I don't know what mine would be about but I often think of what the title may be. A friend of mine always said he would call his book "Skagheads and Swordsmen" based on certain strange things he'd seen around his home town. Mine's changed a lot over the last few years and today I thought that maybe I'd calll it "Smoke and Mirrors" not sure right now why but it'll come to me. If anyone out there in webland knows what title they'd give their book then why not post it here? I promise I'll not steal any ideas!
What...a...DAY! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGH. There we go, that's the frustrations out and gone. Do you ever have days when you think everything's against you? Ah well, you only lose when you give up! I've applied for a very nice job today which should get me back into my preffered profesion and onto a pay packet more in line with what I should be getting so my fingers, toes and various other extremeties are crossed.
Too tired to try and be witty on my own today so I'll give you another shiny excerpt from the little book of chaos.
Have discussions with your young children. On a long journey with children, say the word "McDonalds" withing five minutes of setting off and spend the next two and half hours being lobbied for a big mac and fries.
During my weekend's tidy-up I found my favourite little self help book, the little book of chaos. A number of handy hints to irritate yourself and others on a daily basis. I've decide to give you my favourite little snippets from the book so that I can help you too.
Remaining Alert, How to remain alert even when sipping a soothing mug of tea? Find a broken mug. Glue the handle back on. Now whenever you sip hot tea from this mug, you'll be on red alert.
Bit of information for the ladies out there. I am great in bed! Once I'm asleep I'm out like a light until my alarm clock wakes me! Or is that not what that's supposed to mean? I don't know, I never get the reasoning behind sleep related phrases. For example what is it to "sleep like a baby"? Does it require waking up fourteen times with a full nappy? When you "sleep like a log" do you wake up covered in moss? Why would you "hit the hay"? or the sack for that matter. Has anyone ever seen a "wooden hill"? Nothing but questions, never any answers.
I'm really impressed with myself for keeping this blog completely clean. I have been known to be guilty of a lot of casual swearing in relaxed conversation with friends. To put that into perspective, an old housemate of mine who played rugby and has worked as a labourer once commented that I swore a little too much. Some say that those who swear a lot lack vocabulary and in some cases they may be right but I believe that having a wide vocabulary gives you the flexibility to express yourself in a way you see fit. In any situation where it's inapropriate to swear I can cut it out without any effort but when I know I can be relaxed, the four letter words fly.
So bird flu's reached France now, next stop will have to be the uk and usa, it's inevitable. Yet again though I think the tabloid press have done quite a bit of damage with it's scaremongering practices. Not by getting everyone overly concerned but the exact opposite. No matter who you are I think people actually relax a little when they see big scary headlines in the tabloids. The bird flu's already shown it's ability to travel worldwide, if it does mutate you can guarentee it'll be just as, if not more, communicable. Think about it seriously, every major (or dominant) species throughout the Earth's history has suffered some sort of cataclysmic event. There's no need to go through the list you already know at least one of them. If you then think of what is most likely to be a serious issue for humans then there are only really a few possibilities. Nuclear war - not very likely despite what you may think. Major asteroid impact - likely to happen at some point but most probably not for thousands if not millions of years. However fi we look at the possibility of a major pandemic, we already have a candidate waiting in the wings. Is there a chance that bird flu will turn out to be nothing for us to worry about? Well, yes but we should all keep one eye out. Wow that was pretty intense, I reckon I'm going to have to put a fun post on today as well to lighten the mood.
Why is it that whenever you try to take a day off for whatever reason, all of a sudden you become the most popular person in the world? It's like my mobile phone. I reckon I've accidentally subscribed to the "switch off announcement service" which tells everyone that you've turned off your phone and promts them to call you. I had no calls at all this morning but earlier this afternoon I turned my phone off for only 1 minute and upon turning it on I got a text from my service provider saying I'd got 3 new voicemail messages! Why are they watching me!! It seems that concensus at the moment is that putting ads in this page would detract from it (limited) charm so for now I'll stay ad free. Mind you no matter what I decide to do in the future I'll never have pop-up ads or those really annoying flash ads which get in the way of what you're trying to read. Whenever I see those ads on other websites it feel like a big slap in the face and suddenly I don't want to go back to that site ever again. If you like this blog then as well as letting me know about it, have a look at my "smartarse showing off" Daily Triva Blog too. Also if you know any interesting bits of trivia you can post it here or there, I'll check them out and publish the ones that appear to be true.
I've been looking at my statistics for this blog and I'm amazed that at the tender age of just a week it's regularly getting around 10 new visitors each day. Not sure why but I like it. The dilemma now is to decide if I should allow adverts here and try to earn a little money. The main reason I'm considering this is that it won't cost my readers anything but I will have to see who the possible advertisers are. Don't want anything inapropriate like porn or dodgy software but thankfully I don't think blogspot uses those kind of adverts anyway.
So I'm going to open a pole on today's blog, if you think I should or shouldn't allow adverts here then let me know by leaving your comments by clicking on "comments" at the bottom of today's post.
One thing I always aim for is to be good at anything I do and my performance today just proves that I'm bl**dy good. I'm not going to go into details but I've been great today and I don't mind admitting it! (fill in the blank - modesty is___________)
I can't stand the whole iPod fashion victim phenomena that we've all fallen for. Apple never used to be a "designer label", I suppose this whole thing shows how new(ish) technology is a part of everyday life the same as a hat or pair of trainers. The daftest thing that I've noticed about this is that if you see someone walking down the street with the iPod trademark white earphones and wires...they haven't got an iPod! Those who do own iPod's buy the more descreet, black variants to avoid tempting would-be muggers. Those who can't afford an (overpriced) iPod buy immitation earpieces to make others think they can. I say overpriced but that's just my opinion. To me there are better MP3 jukebox's out there for much less money.
It looks like I've had quite a few hits in the last couple of days, maybe the banknote publicity's working. If you're at this blog because you saw the address on a banknote then let me know by posting a comment. No personal details required!
TV is always rubbish on a Wednesday night, I have freeview (well worth the cost of the box - finally the licence fee is worth paying!) however the extra channels still don't bring me any worthwhile mid-week delights. Never mind, it's late now so I'm going to trot off to my wonderfully warm and comfy bed. Nighty-night folks!
Well it's valentines day. I've just had a chat with a mate and I've got to say I agree with his standpoint on valentines day. I've had a big romantic side since I was about 20. I really believe in showing my love for a significant lady at random points at any time of the year. True I've been single for a large proportion of the six years since I turned 20 but a romantic doesn't die, he just waits. Using valentines day as an excuse to be romantic is fine, just make sure it's not the only day of the year you do!
I'm feel I'm in good company today, I've joined that daily group of people who have to give themselves a sturdy slap on the forehead when they realise something which deep-down they've known all along. Today I've re-learnt the old lesson, There's no such thing as luck. You make you're own luck and that's the only way to really live. Too many people just expect everything to come to them rather that going out and getting it. Anyway, onwards and upwards!
Whoever said sunday was a day of rest? Never mind...I've done for the day now and I plan on doing all the sleep I missed on during the week! One of google's quotes for the day, from John A Wheeler, is something I can definately identify with..."If you haven't found something strange during the day, it hasn't been much of a day."
Having quite a nice Saturday. I don't mind the fact that I've had to work today or that I'll have to do some work tomorrow because there's a lot less pressure to work than on weekdays. You feel as though the work you're doing is much more volountary so the effort you put in feels much more...well...effortless.
Well, two days into writing this blog and I'm suffering writers block. As far as I'm aware only Stephen King can get away with breaking writers block by writing about it more than once and I'm not in his league so I'll hold onto that card for another time...unless I've used it up with this post.
No-one likes a double glazing salesman. My team tell me constantly about things that people say to them when they're out canvassing. True, there are some dodgy players out there but not in this company. I'll not tell you who the company is because then you'll think it's some sort of scam by that company to gain peoples trust. Cynicism is way too rife.
Mind you, if the eyes are the windows to the soul, why doesn't anyone hate optitions? They're only doing the same as us. Then again I suppose there are no cowboy optitions who try to sell you rubbish glasses at inflated prices - 50% off if you buy a hat and gloves at the same time.
But today a shopkeeper handed me a fiver (change, not generosity) with a website address on it. This has struck me as a genius idea so from today I'll be writing the URL of this very blog on every banknote I get and wait to see what happens. Anyone who finds one of these banknotes should post a comment on this article. I'll be interested in the results and you never know...there may be a reward!
*Please note that these are links to viral adverts which are not necessarily endorsed by their respective companies and may offend. Just stayin' responsible chappies and chappesses!
It's the end of the week! You'd think I'd be looking forward to a weekend of drunken debauchery! But no. That's the trouble with working in an industry in which you have to visit people in their homes. You're free when everyone else is working but you're working when everyone else is free. I know which way round I'd prefer things.
Ah well. If there are any well-off women out there who'd like a young and healthy man to keep then they can give me a call. This working for a living lark's massively overrated. (I'm not bad at cooking and I can actually iron!)
None of the machines have done anything to worry me yet today but it's only quarter past four so there's time. However the answering machine told me it was the "end of messages" so it may have gone on strike or quit. Whichever way it won't be slinging any more accusations my way so that'll help my mental state. Actually, come to think of it I got a text message from a friend earlier which read "roses are red, violets are blue, I love surrealism, ...fish"
not sure what to make of that but if that's the nearest to a valentines card that I get then I'll cherish it.
Warning - Sudoku is highly addictive. Don't start!
This harmless looking little numbers game is now the bane of my life! I never spent much time trying to understand it but was always a bit curious. I warn you, if you look at enough gameboards the method just suddenly and without warning "clicks".
As soon as this mental click happens it becomes impossible to avoid attempting to complete one. Once you complete your first board your "smartarse" gene springs into action and you achieve an irremovable smug grin for at least an hour. This feeling of achievement leads you to want more so you attempt and complete another board, however this time the smug warmness only lasts for about three quarters of an hour. The third board inevitably fails and you start your fourth with complete frustration. YOU ARE NOW ADDICTED!
You're now doomed to spend way too much of your day completing sudoku puzzles just to bring you to your normal feeling of acheivement. Yes the sudoku comedown is tough but I urge all you other addicts to go cold turkey or your days will be spent scouring the internet looking for your next fix.
Concerned that someone you love is addicted to Sudoku? Here are the warning signs to look out for: paleness, loss of spare time, inky fingers (pen or newspaper print)*, papercuts.
*please note that if your loved one is filling in their puzzles with a pencil, they are not a serious case...they're just cheating.
Isn't the internet wonderful? Every man, woman and spaniel can publish their innermost thoughts for all to see. I'm hoping with this blog that I can bring these fascinating insights on life to me rather than having to search for them (I know, I'm a lazy sod!)
I realised a few years ago that pretty much everything we do in everyday life is strange in some way. I like to view things from a different angle. Sometimes this means I'll play devil's advocate but I never discard anyone's point of view.
I also love beer and ladies!
